The Promotion No One Prepares You For

You got the promotion—congratulations! But just as the celebratory emails fade, a strange feeling sets in: your teammates are now your direct reports. And no one handed you a playbook for how to lead people who used to be your peers.

Suddenly, the informal Teams banter feels a little tense. The team member who used to confide in you now keeps things close to the vest. One person seems resentful. And you're wondering how to assert yourself without coming across as power-hungry—or worse, uncertain.

60% of new managers fail within their first 24 months

You’re not alone. According to a Gartner study, 60% of new managers fail within their first 24 months, and a major contributor is the rocky shift from peer to leader. That transition—if not handled thoughtfully—can erode trust, credibility, and team cohesion.

But done well, it can be the moment that defines your leadership brand.

1. Redefine, Don’t Reinvent, the Relationship

You don’t need to pretend the past didn’t happen. You were peers. You shared frustrations, deadlines, and maybe even happy hours. Acknowledge that—and acknowledge that your role has changed.

Coach's tip: Start with a brief team meeting or one-on-ones. You might say, “I know the dynamic is shifting a bit, and I want to be transparent. My goal is to lead with respect and clarity—and continue supporting each of you in ways that matter.”

That blend of humility and purpose sets the tone: you’re not pretending to be someone else, but you are owning your new position.

2. Avoid the Pendulum Swing

It’s tempting to overcorrect. Some new managers go full authoritarian, trying to “prove” they’re in charge. Others go soft, afraid to upset former friendships.

Neither works.

You don’t need to become a different person—but you do need to shift your mindset. Leadership isn’t about control; it’s about creating clarity, modeling values, and empowering your team to succeed.

Coach's Tip: Find your center by consistently asking: “What does the team need from me now?” Then lead from that place.

3. Be Clear About What’s Changing (and What’s Not)

The fastest way to ease tension is to clarify expectations. Let the team know:

• What decisions you will now be responsible for

• Where you’ll seek input or collaboration

• What communication will look like

• That you won’t be playing favorites or revisiting old team dynamics

And if there’s awkwardness (which there likely is), don’t ignore it. Name it—lightly, professionally, and with a sense of empathy.

Coach's Tip: Use a phrase similar to, “I get that this is a shift. I value our history and want us to keep building something great—just in a slightly new way.”

4. Build a New Kind of Trust

As a peer, you earned trust through camaraderie. As a leader, you’ll earn it by showing consistency, fairness, and courage.

Early wins help. Focus on quick, visible improvements that matter to the team: streamlining a process, unblocking a stalled decision, or elevating a team member’s work to leadership. These small moments signal that you’re not just in charge—you’re in service to the team’s success.

5. Watch for Resistance—and Stay Curious

If someone is clearly struggling with the new dynamic, resist the urge to interpret their behavior as insubordination or jealousy. Instead, get curious.

Ask open questions like:

• “How are you adjusting to the team’s changes?”

• “What would make this transition easier for you?”

• “What do you need from me to keep thriving here?”

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When people feel heard—even if they don’t love the change—they’re more likely to engage.

Final Thought: This Is a Crucible Moment

Many leaders look back on the peer-to-boss transition as one of the hardest—and most important—growth phases of their career. It forces you to clarify your values, develop executive presence, and lead not from authority alone, but from influence, empathy, and emotional intelligence.

Done right, this shift isn’t just about being promoted. It’s about becoming the kind of leader others are glad to follow—even the ones who knew you back when.

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