When the Coworker Becomes Your Boss - and you don't like it

You were peers—grabbing coffee before meetings, eye-rolling over policy changes, maybe even venting about management. But now, your coworker is now your boss. And to make things more complicated… now you don’t like them.

Maybe it’s their style. Maybe it's how they got the promotion. Maybe it’s envy, frustration, or a decades-old personality clash that never mattered until now. Regardless, here’s the leadership truth no one tells you: disliking your boss doesn’t mean you’re unprofessional—it means you’re human. But how do you handle it? That defines your leadership potential.

The Shock of Power Dynamics

When someone transitions from peer to leader, especially within your own team, two things typically happen:

1. They feel pressure to prove themselves.

2. You feel uncertain about the new balance of power.

These shifts can bring up emotions like resentment, distrust, or disappointment—especially if you feel overlooked or if your new manager lacks the leadership qualities you respect. A 2023 Gallup study found that only 21% of employees strongly agree that they trust their organization's leadership. That number drops even further during internal promotions involving peer relationships.

But emotional intelligence isn’t about how you feel—it’s about how you manage what you feel. Let’s explore how to lead yourself through this transition with maturity, boundaries, and influence.

Five Techniques

Don’t Let Your Feelings Drive Your Behavior

You can dislike someone's style and still respect their role. Start by separating the person from the position. They may not have been your choice for the job, but they were someone else’s—and that choice likely came with insight you weren’t privy to.

Try this: Ask yourself, What do I need to succeed in this new dynamic? Then align your behavior to your goals—not your emotions.

Avoid the Passive-Aggressive Trap

Sudden slow replies to emails? Skipping their meetings? Sharing your disapproval with others on the team? While tempting, passive-aggressive behavior only hurts your credibility—and gives your new boss reason to question your professionalism.

Instead, take the high road with polite directness. You don’t need to fake enthusiasm, but you do need to demonstrate emotional maturity. That’s what real leaders do—even when they’re not in charge.

Have a Candid (and Career-Smart) Conversation

If the tension lingers or impacts your work, consider scheduling a brief 1:1. Frame it as a chance to reset expectations. You might say:

"I want us to succeed in this new chapter, and I know the shift from peers to reporting lines can be tricky. I’d love to understand your priorities and how I can best support you in your role.”

This signals maturity, self-awareness, and team spirit—all qualities that are noticed far beyond your current reporting structure.

Let This Be a Mirror

Sometimes, disliking your boss reveals more about you than it does about them. Are they really underqualified, or are you struggling with being passed over? Do you dislike their leadership, or are they simply different than what you expected?

Use this moment as a mirror for your own leadership development. What kind of leader do you want to be? How would you handle this transition if roles were reversed? And how can this challenge stretch your own professional growth?

Document. But Don’t Weaponize.

If your dislike is rooted in behavior that crosses ethical lines or undermines your work, keep a respectful paper trail. But document for protection, not punishment. Escalate only when you’ve exhausted professional avenues and when your concerns are based on performance, not personality.

Final Thought: Professionalism Isn’t Pretending

You don’t have to like your boss. But you do have to decide what kind of professional you want to be in their presence. Every leader—yes, even you—will eventually lead people who challenge them. Consider this your crash course in executive composure.

Because the real test of leadership isn’t how you act when you’re in charge. It’s how you lead yourself when you’re not.

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